Covenant of Ash EPOV
by mamasutra
Summary: The Edward POV of Covenant of Ash
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I watched as Bella busied herself with clearing dessert dishes while trying to avoid me.

"Is she always like this?" Tanya asked as she watched her flutter around nervously as if she was spun too tight to sit down with us. The truth was that she was always like this. She was always moving, shifting, changing, even in her sleep she twitched and moved against me.

"I have no idea," I said, lying to her as I watched Bella stack the dishes in the sink before turning back towards me. For one second our eyes met and I could see her; the girl who greeted me each morning with warm eyes and a soft smile, but as fast as what I saw her she was gone. That girl was replaced with the icy hard stare of the woman who would take her place when riled, but I had no time to focus on that change. Instead, I focused on the bigger problem in the room who sat to my left sipping on the coffee that Bella insisted on making.

"Why are you here?" I asked her as I continued to watch Bella while trying to forget about a job offer that would move her three hours away.

"Can't I be concerned about my brother?" she asked me in a quiet voice that left me sick inside since I knew she was worried. Tanya was always one to care and she had always cared about me even when I didn't deserve it.

"She's sweet," Tanya said as she followed my gaze to the woman in the kitchen who was cussing out a pan that refused to go back in its proper spot. It was ridiculous and just so like Bella I could not help, but to snort as I watched her struggle with it. She needed my help, but I knew better than to offer it since if I did she would only yell about how she could do it on her own, so instead I would watch and wait for my opportunity to assist her. I had done this before. I had done this before I approached her. I had watched her as she struggled with whatever was weighing her down and when the time was right I stepped in to help her without too much of a protest from her.

"She is," I replied as I never took my eyes off of Bella as she wiped down the already spotless countertops.

"And because of that you will leave her the fuck alone," I said as I pried my eyes off of the girl who I was dying to get alone. I wanted more answers. I wanted to know why she never told me about this job offer, the perfect job offer for a girl who was looking for a way out of a situation that she was stuck in.

"What are you so scared of little brother?" she teased as I rolled my eyes at the only friend I had left in my life, besides Bella, if you could call Bella a friend.

"Nothing," I replied, but she laughed at me. Tanya knew me too well and that I hated that.

"You lie," she said with a laugh that made Bella look at us with wide, doe eyes that made me twitch in anticipation of being alone with her even though I was sure she would tell me to go to hell instead of inviting me into her bed. I waited for more of Tanya's smart ass comments, but instead I just listened to her sigh as if she as tired and maybe she were since lord knows I was tired of all of this.

"Edward, I would have never have thought a thing about you or Bella if Aro Marcus wouldn't have come into my office asking about Bella. He's interested in her," she said as I stiffened in anger, thinking of the old man and how his eyes lingered over Bella's curves as she stood before him.

"He knows she's bright and a hard worker. He knows this and if he can woo her away he will. He told me he was going to help her out with finding a more appropriate job and he didn't give a damn about you," she said as she looked at me with warm eyes while explaining how she knew about the offer from the old man.

"After he left I looked at her file, Edward and the girl is bright," she said as she looked towards Bella while I snorted in response. I could have told her that. I could have told her that Bella was brilliant and beautiful. She also was bitchy and angry all the damn time.

"But that wasn't what struck me, Edward," she said in a low voice as I looked at her with my best unemotional face as she revealed how she knew about me and this fuckery I had created around me.

"What got me was her contract. There were pages missing and her pay was too high for a personal assistant," she said as she gave me a knowing look while I rolled my eyes.

"You know you could have found a different way to get laid without risking the company or both of your reputations," she said as she looked at me, waiting for a response, but I had none. I knew better than to have sex with employees. I knew better than to mix business and pleasure, but I honestly I wasn't counting on Bella agreeing to my fucked up agreement that left it open for sex. I expected her to slap me, and call me sick, not say yes. I wasn't expecting her to be so soft or the expression in her eyes when I was inside of her. I wasn't counting on her soft moans or her biting tongue when she snapped at me. I wasn't planning on anything more than sex, yet every day, every minute we were together it slowly twisted into something more than sex and lust. I hated it. I loved it. It scared the piss out of me, yet I couldn't leave it or her alone.

"Just forget it," I hissed at her as I continued to watch Bella who was avoiding joining us.

"No, not when you risk my job as well," Tanya said in a firm tone as she shook her head at me.

"Don't get me wrong, E. I like this girl. She's funny and smart. She's got quiet the fucking temper on her, but that makes her fun so I can over look that. I think she keeps you on your toes and I _love_ that, but this is a mess. This is a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen and you know it," Tanya continued on as I rolled my eyes at her, refusing to acknowledge that she was right even though she was.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I'm planning on at least one more EPOV that will discuss Lauren, but that won't be for a few chapters.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Tanya fluttered the house while Kate sat still watching her. They were good together and I was more than happy that my sister had found someone who had eased the hard edge she seemed to have.

"They're whispering together," Kate said with a snicker that sounded far from jealous as she motioned towards where Tan had Bella nearly pinned against the counter in some heated debate. She may not have been jealous, but I was. I wanted to know her secrets and it killed me that she just might be sharing them with my sister instead.

"Yeah, they have been for a while," I responded as I watched Bella shake her no to whatever question Tan must have asked her.

"Don't look so worried, Edward. I know she's helping her with her resume," Kate said with a laugh that was supposed to have eased my tension, but the thought of Tanya helping her away from me only set me off more. I knew Tanya had contacts and friends. I knew if she tried she would find Bella a better job than the so called one she had settled for with me.

"I'm not worried," I replied with a fake smile as I watched both women return us with wide, fake smiles of their own. The evening passed like this with wide smiles and laughter until Kate announced it was time to go.

I watched as they both hugged Bella who seemed genuinely happy to have seen them before leaving me alone to walk them out.

"You doing ok, butterbean?" Tan asked as we approached her car where Kate was already waiting for her. I wasn't doing ok. I was far from ok and that all stemmed from Bella's birthday request.

It was my fault. I should not have told her that I would give her whatever she wanted. It set me up for failure, but I had no idea what she would ask for would be so difficult to give.

"She's good for you," Tanya said in an off handed way as she looked back towards the house where Bella could be seen gathering beer bottles from the coffee table.

"She's temporary," I reminded her every bit as much as I reminded myself.

"If you have plans to hurt her I swear to god," she hissed at me as I shook my head at her. I didn't want to hurt Bella and I wouldn't as long as she would just agree to follow what I asked of her.

"You know, I have stepped back and let you act like an ass, but this… if you hurt her…" she continued on as she looked at me with hard eyes.

"You'll what, Tan? You'll tell her that I'm a horrible man who never deserved her to begin with and that won't be a lie," I said with a wide fake grin that I knew would piss her off and it did. I listened to her huff of anger and then waited for her harsh words and empty threats, but they never came. Instead, I was greeted with her sigh of frustration as she looked at me with a worried look.

"I never understood why you sat back and just took all the blame instead of outing the fucking assholes like they should have been outed," she mumbled as I stiffened under her words. She never spoke of what happened. We never spoke of what happened. It was our silent agreement and one that I counted on for my own sanity.

"When Lauren was alive she had such a fucking choke hold on you that it hurt me to even be around you as I watched her systematically remove people from your life, not that you noticed until it was too late," Tanya said in a hoarse voice that suggested her tears. She never cried when she was hurt, only when she was angry and she was beyond angry with me at this moment while I felt the sick knot in my stomach form any time her name was mentioned.

"She was never happy Edward and because of it you could never be happy. Even now… Even now five years later and she long gone she is so imbedded within you… Still fucking robbing you of any happiness," Tanya sputtered as she wiped at her angry tears as I stood there staring at her in shock.

"I'm telling you right now, Edward, you keep pushing Bella and she will leave. She will leave you and I know you don't want that. I know you want her and to be happy. Fuck, you deserve to be happy, you both you, but you keep letting that nagging little bitch's voice in your head telling you how you are to blame for everything and I swear to god, Edward, Bella will be gone. She's almost gone now," she rambled on as she looked at me with tear filled eyes that were hard with her anger before she turned to get in her car. I watched her leave, angrily spilling her tires like a jackass before the silence surrounded me once more, but it wasn't silence that greeted me. It was the sound Tanya's voice.

S_he's almost gone now._

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I sat in my office looking out the window watching the empty parking lot. I knew she was on the road by now. I knew her well enough that when she had a schedule she kept it. Bella was good like that. She kept her word, unlike me.

"Well, well, well," I heard the annoying nasally tone of my sister in her most sarcastic tone.

"You know, if you wanted to say good bye all you had to do was get out of the car," she said as I listened to her walking closer to my desk without me looking back at her. I could hear her tired sigh before she pushed on my chair, causing me to spin around to face her.

"You are being a dick," Tanya said in a firm tone as she looked at me with a harsh tone and knowing eye. I was being a dick. I knew I was, but I could not seem to stop.

"You miss her," she said in a matter of fact tone as she looked at me with hard eyes and a cocky grin that made my blood boil since she was right. I did miss her. I missed Bella. I had missed her even before I had said good bye to her that night in her apartment.

"You miss her, you're just too much a dick to do anything about it," Tanya said with a mocking tone that made me roll my eyes in response.

"I told you, she's better off without me," I said as I looked at my sister who barked out a laugh over my words.

"Jesus, Edward, set your cross down for a fucking moment and think about what you are doing," Tanya bitched at me as she pushed at my chair until we were eye to eye.

"I have thought about!" I yelled at her, causing her to stumble backwards over my outburst.

"I have thought about it, Tan. I've done nothing, but think about it," I said as I calmed down since it was my sister's fault. It wasn't her fault that I was a fuck up. It wasn't her fault at all.

"Butterbean, she's the best thing that's ever happened to you," she said repeating the words to me that she had said every day since becoming friendly with Bella.

"I've never seen you smile so much or laugh so loud in years, Edward," she said as she looked at me with a challenging look as I looked away from her.

"Tanya, please?" I pleaded with her as she looked at me with a pleading look of her own.

"She misses you," she said so quickly that I wasn't even sure if I had heard her correctly.

"She does," she said slowly, letting me hear her as she told me about the girl I never wanted to forget.

"She misses you. She told me so," Tanya said as I sat there shaking my head at her.

"She shouldn't," I said simply, making Tanya laugh.

"Tell me about it, butterbean. She has no business missing you. Hell, she ought to tell _me _to fuck off for how you handled things with her, yet somehow she misses you," Tanya said with a laugh that was bitter and left me colder than the night I walked away from Bella.

"I was just trying to…" I said as Tanya cut me off once more.

"Yeah, I know. You were just trying to do something fucking stupid like always," she huffed in anger as I looked away from her.

"Listen, I will not say this to you again, Edward so you better take that arrogant look off your face and open up those ears of yours," she growled as she looked at me with an angry look that made me want to laugh at her since there was nothing intimidating about her pissy look.

"A person is only given so many chances at happiness, Edward. Do you understand me? Do you get what I'm saying to you?" she asked me as I looked at her.

"You are wasting your chances. You are blowing it and when you do, 'cause trust me when I say you will, I will remind you that could have had it all, but opted to be alone instead," she said as she looked at me, telling me the same thing she had said every time she mentioned Bella.

"She's already gone," I said as I looked at Tanya, telling her the obvious since she was there, she knew Bella was gone.

"Yeah, but she still cares, Edward. She still cares about you and why she does, I have no fucking clue. I just know that this is your chance, butter bean, and so far you are blowing it," she said as she turned and walked out, leaving me alone to stew over what she had said.

"I just don't want to hurt her," I called out after my sister who just kept walking without a look back at me.

"Too late, butter bean, since you already have," she called back without a look back at me, wounding me with the truth of her words.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I have another EPOV coming after this one.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The office was decorated in pinks and off whites. It reminded me of a small girl's bedroom instead of an office of a doctor.

"Mr. Cullen," I was greeted by a frumpy looking woman who obviously has a thing for porcelain dolls.

"Dr…." I stammered since I honestly did not remember her name. I had made the appointment. I had done as I said I would and here I was now even though I wasn't if it would do me any good.

"You can call me Siobhan," she said with a smile as she sat upon the comfortable looking chair across from me.

"Ok, Siobhan," I replied, fighting the urge to roll my eyes at this woman who was trying too hard to be kind to me.

"Why are you here, Edward?" she asked me causing me to smile since that was the one million dollar question. Why was I here?

"I'm here because I'm told I need to be better," I replied as I looked at her with a tight smile as the queasy feeling intensified with in.

"Do you want to be better?" she asked me as she peered at me over her glasses with dark brown eyes, too reminiscent of the girl who made me want to be better.

"Yes. Yes, I do," I said with conviction that for once I did not have to fake.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


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